Fear of an armed America
by Ben Crystal
Meet Jim Cooley.
He’s a “gun nut.” I know this, because it says so on the Internet. I also know this because someone took a photograph of him in the Atlanta airport on Wednesday. While he was just there to drop off his daughter, it’s what he brought with him that transformed him from “taxi driver dad” to “lunatic,” “idiot” and even “racist.” See, our man Jim ventured into the outer terminal of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport with an AR-15 slung over his shoulder. And that’s when all hell broke loose — sort of.
How dare Cooley venture into the line of sight of people who think guns are, like, omygodimtotallySERIOUSYOUGUYS SCARY? The nerve of the man, blatantly threatening otherwise-peaceful folk by … um, what was it he did, again? Oh, right. He openly carried a gun without permission from liberals. And to think, Tuesday was National “Gun Violence” Awareness Day, or something to that effect. All the cool kids put on their best orange togs to stand up to “gun violence,” or “gun deaths,” or “gun crime.” So obviously, there was no way on Michael Bloomberg’s green Earth that callousness on the level of Cooley’s was going to be tolerated.
The picture of Cooley set the Internet ablaze. Anti-Bill of Rights activists from Haight-Ashbury to Hyannis Port tore into him with the all the fury of rabid lemmings. Here are a few of my personal favorites:
•“(T)his idiot is increasing the risk of every person in the area of being a victim of accidental gun violence.” Actually, he was theoretically increasing the likelihood that they’d survive so-called “gun violence,” accidental or otherwise. Of course, “gun violence” never made an appearance, possibly because it saw Cooley and decided to err on the side of caution.
•“Utter lunacy. In no circumstances should nut jobs like this be permitted to wander round anywhere, least of an airport, with such fearful weaponry.” Cooley engaged in “lunacy” and is a “nut job,” wielding “fearful weaponry.” The guy didn’t burn off a single round. Fearful? Only to the timid.
•“(T)he poor man has a tiny penis and needs to compensate.” I understand anti-Bill of Rights kittens react to guns and gun owners the way I react to cancer diagnoses, but I’m certain no one has yet proven an inverse relationship between the size of your firearm and the size of your — um — firearm. Furthermore, I have no idea what Cooley’s genitals look like; and I intend to keep it that way.
The left wailed that Cooley is a “racist.” They shrieked that Cooley is “dangerous.” They whined that Cooley is “stupid.” I can’t help but notice that Cooley is alive and that despite his armed visit to the airport, so is everyone who saw him there.
To my own way of thinking, I’m not much for open carry — especially of rifles. For the average day-about-town, a pistol seems like a much more efficient, and efficiently deployed, weapon. I have a carry permit, and I carry. The cowboy look just isn’t me. Also, Cooley is running one of those 100-round Beta C magazines. They’re cumbersome, heavy and bloody expensive. You can purchase between 10 and 15 standard capacity 30-round Magpul PMAGs for the price of one of Beta’s 100-rounders. But hey, I’m not Cooley. And unlike so many of our portside pals, I don’t particularly care what or how he carries as long as he’s within the bounds of the law.
Cooley didn’t shoot anyone. He didn’t loot anything. He didn’t set anything on fire. He didn’t even proffer indignant excuses on behalf of others who have shot, looted and/or burned anything. He broke no laws. He didn’t even threaten to. He went to the airport to drop off his daughter, and then he went home. Yet based on one candid photograph taken of him on one occasion, liberals hate him more than they hate the criminals who actually do commit the acts that liberals credit to “gun violence.”
Here’s a tip for Cooley and any future Cooleys who might be pondering a public weapon display: Say you’re a Muslim who’s arming himself against the threat of “white privilege.” Instead of yapping at you like amphetamine-jacked Pomeranians, the anti-Bill of Rights crowd will sing your praises.